My sweet, sweet Dad

This is long, and mainly for me to not forget any of the details, so don't feel obligated to read it.  But, this is the story of my dad's last days on Earth.  

Towards the end of 2012, we noticed that my dad had begun to move more towards the middle stages of Alzheimer's.  It was no picnic, but he still had plenty of good days & was able to keep doing most of  the things he enjoyed.  He was playing tennis right up until December, but had to give it up because his COPD had become so bad.    There were many days in January, that we were convinced that he was taking his last breaths.  (If you know anyone who smokes-tell them to quit.  Dying of COPD is HORRIBLE!)  He would gasp & choke for air, and had to sleep sitting up at the kitchen table in order to take the pressure off of his lungs. He asked my mom several times to put him out of his misery. Oxygen & inhalers would help, but he would forget that he needed those things, so someone had to be with him almost completely around the clock to help him breathe. (Mainly my mom) In February, we called Hospice, and they agreed that he was a good candidate for their in home services.  They started coming by the house weekly, and were such a great help.

My parents at Legoland for Kirkland's 7th birthday-March 2013

Everything seemed to be chugging along until April 23rd.  At some point during the night, something happened.  The doctors assume it was a stroke, but only God knows for sure.  He couldn't sleep, his speech was slurred, he was disoriented, confused, and aggressive.  His personality was no longer recognizable.  I stopped by Wednesday, and he barely acknowledged me.  The biggest kicker for me was when I went to leave, I saluted him, and he just stared at me with a blank face in return.  This was the first time in my life that I have saluted him & he didn't return the salute.  I knew right then that life was never going to be the same.  My heart was crushed.  He tried to get up & walk me to my car, but he didn't make it past the laundry room before turning around.  

The last picture the 3 of us together-Easter Sunday 2013

By Thursday, my mom realized this was no longer something she could handle on her own, so she allowed him to be transported to the hospice facility.  When they arrived to pick him up, he was sitting on the back porch, smoking a cigarette.   I went as soon as Geoff got home that afternoon.  He was sitting by the nurses station in the lobby when I got there in a wheelchair with a tray on it so he couldn't get out & make a run for it!  He was fiddling with the newspaper.  I sat with him for a few hours, and it was 'rip your heart out  & step on it' awful.  I asked him if he knew who I was, and he looked at me & said "no".  I guess I only asked because I wanted him to say, "Yes, of course!!" A little later, he looked up from the paper & asked, "Your name?"  I died inside.  I pushed him around hospice for awhile because I know how he hates to sit still.  I eventually gave up & just sat beside him in the lobby & cried.  He reached out his hand to hold mine & wanted to know why I was crying.  I told him that I loved him & how much I missed him.  When I went to leave, he leaned over & kissed me on the cheek & called me baby.  I know, at least for a moment, he knew who I was.  

Friday was more of the same.  After taking Kirkland & Charlie to school, Philip & I picked up an apple fritter & a chocolate eclair & took them to my dad for breakfast.  We pushed him around while he ate his breakfast & Philip was such a treat for all the nurses.  Mostly, he would talk & it wouldn't make sense,  but there were several moments when he knew us.  He smiled a real smile when I talked to him about the Peachtree Road Race.  (He ran it every July 4th for YEARS!)  He nodded his head when I asked if he would take me back to see San Francisco. (Where he is from).  I asked if he knew how much we loved him & he stretched his arms all the way out for "this much". Then he pointed to Philip. (That has always been their "thing").  I told him that I loved him & he said "I remember".  He gave us kisses when we went to leave, so I left hopeful that he could possibly make a turnaround. 

I went back Friday night to bring him the cookies that the boys & I had made for him.  He ate 3 of them right away.  I inherited my dad's sweet tooth for sure!  Kristie & Josh Minix were there visiting Kristie's grandfather.  Hospice can be depressing, so it was nice to see a friendly face there.  As I was walking him, I told him that the boys wanted him to get better so that he could play with them & he got a big smile & said, "You Rang" which is this game of chase that he & the boys love to play together.  When it was time for me to go, he said "See you later babe".  I didn't know it at the time, but those would be the last words I would ever hear him say.  

By Saturday morning, he had deteriorated so much that the doctors gave my mom the heart wrenching news that he was at the end stages of his life & they estimated he had 4-5 days to live.  When I got there he was slumped over with his eyes closed & mouth open. I thought he was going to die any minute.  His breathing was so slow & when he did breathe, he would gasp it in, then cough a terrible cough.  He was making this sad moaning sound.  I tried to prop him up & the nurses moved him to the bed.  He would never sit up again.  I held his hand, sang him songs, played the marine corps hymn & just cried.   

April 28th, 2013

On Sunday, he would open his eyes on occasion, but it was clear that his body was shutting down quickly.  He would open his mouth sometimes & we could tell he was trying to tell us something.  My mom & I sat with him all day.  He would reach out his arms & pull us close to him & hug us.  I would lay my head on his chest & he would put his arms around me & pat my back.  It was such a precious time.  He was so sweet & so loving.  At one point, he took my hand & brought it to his face & tried to kiss it.  He wanted us to know that he loved us.  It was heart breaking & heart warming all at the same time.  I have always felt so loved by my dad.  Even in death, he was still communicating that he loved me.  I will forever be thankful that we had this day with him to talk to him & tell him how much we loved him.  

A friend brought us lunch & I was telling my dad how good the cookies were, and he reached up & tried to grab my cookie!  We all got the biggest laugh about that.  He has been stealing bites of my cookies for as long as I can remember!  

We told him how loved he was, and how thankful we were for him & the legacy of love that he is leaving for our family.  We even told him that it was ok for him to let go & be with Jesus.  We assured him that we would be ok, and that Geoff would take good care of us.  I said something to him later & he nodded his head.  It was reassuring to know that he could hear & understand all that we were saying to him.  Such sweet memories were made that day.  

On Monday, the 29th, he seemed to be in a deeper sleep when I got there, but I assumed he still had another day or two.  He didn't open his eyes or try to give us hugs today.  But, he did hold my hand when I sat with him on the bed.  I didn't get to stay too long because I had to pick up Charlie from school, but I was coming back when Geoff got home from work.  As I was leaving, I said "See you later Dad-I love you"  I didn't realize that it would be the last time I would talk to him alive.

April 29th, 2013

He passed away at 4:08 that afternoon.  He went so peacefully.  He took one breath here on earth, and his very next breath, he was gone.  Saddest day of my life.  Words to describe the grief & immeasurable loss would be inadequate.  Honestly, there were times that night & the days that followed that I thought that the heartache was just too much to take & that the tears would never stop.  How could I live without my dad?

 I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my dad is worshipping the Almighty God, and that he has a new body that knows nothing of Alzheimer's or COPD.  So, I am thankful.  My heart is broken in pieces. But, as always, I can see God's gracious hand.  My dad's biggest fear when first diagnosed was that he would get to where he didn't know Kirkland, Charlie & Philip.  That never happened.  He remembered the boys to the very end.  God was so kind there.  He & my mom often asked that if God wasn't going to heal him on earth, that He would take him quickly so he wouldn't suffer.  And, He did.  We serve a good God.  

My dad's last words to me & my last words to my dad just so happened to be "I'll see you later".  This is not the end.  I will see him again!

"Jesus said "I am the resurrection & the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives & believes in Me will never die" "

John 11: 25-26